I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I looked at my own cervix.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
