my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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