This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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