somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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