I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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