matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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