Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
