i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
