..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
