he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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