You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
