looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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