The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
