Im at strip club and am horny
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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