Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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