I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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