I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
