Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
