God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
