cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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