She's JV to your varsity
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
