cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
