who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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