His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
