well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
