I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
