I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Someone came in the potted fern
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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