I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
