apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
