I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I want to walk on stilts...naked
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
