Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm having to shit out rocks
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
