Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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