Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
