i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
