Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
