I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
