I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
