Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
