He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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