yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
two words: eviction party
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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