God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
