Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
