White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
