she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How external is "for external use only"?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
