i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
