I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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