I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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