The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
