he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
