so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
