Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
