Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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