You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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