so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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